NO MORE!

After growing up with a very abusive father, and watching the way he treated my mother and step-mother, I was greatly affected. He was verbally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically abusive with his children as well. Because of this, I have struggled with domestic violence throughout my life. Going from one abusive relationship to the next, I realized I needed help. So I sought counseling, and realized, sadly, that my case was not uncommon. I feel that it is imperative for both women and men to stop violence against women! We are all responsible for our part in it, and in ending it. Please help to stop violence against women! For your mother, your sister, your aunt, your grandmother, or any other women in your life! 

Verbal and emotional abuse

Fortunately I have never been physically abused by a man, but suffered verbal and emotional abuse from my ex-husband. When I finally gathered the courage to divorce him I did, only to be criticized by those who thought I was a "sinner" for divorcing my "poor husband." As time passes, my ex's true colors are being seen by those who criticized me.
As a Christian, I refuse to have a relationship with a male who treats me critically and doesn't have time for me. No woman deserves abuse, physical or verbal/emotional. Jesus Christ, my Savior loved and respected women, and that is expected of men. That is why I signed this petition.

Been there, done that

I was married for 13 years and lived with my husband in a foreign country throughout the marriage. His controlling behavior got worse and worse along with his substance abuse and gamblng problems. I was cut off from my family and friends and had no where to turn. He had a violent temper, but luckily the physical violence was very limited...but no physical or verbal violence should ever be acceptable!

When we're in the victim's shoes, we have a crazy way of looking at things, mostly because we don't see the alternatives. Violence becomes the norm in our lives and we develop coping mechanisms all the while denying ourselves a better life. I was one of the lucky ones who had an education and a job that allowed me to support myself and my children. When I left my husband, he made continuous death threats, but I had little recourse in the European country I lived in and for years, I lived in terror that he would abduct my children or harm me. I'd like to hope that the United States would offer better protection to its women and children.

I moved on, and now I see the insanity of my former life. It must stop!

Life Regained

In the 1970's and 80's I was married and had two young sons. As my husband's alcohol and cocaine abuse escalated, so did the violence in our home. I never knew what to expect. I had been a young woman who knew what I wanted in life and felt good about myself. Over the years I became a woman who was physically afraid and emotionally shattered. The psychological abuse was the worst because it destroyed the very fabric of my being. After hearing day after day that I was fat, (when I wasn't) stupid, (I graduated with a 4.0 G.P.A.) and didn't do anything right, (including how to butter toast and rinse conditioner out of my hair) I succumbed to the lies and believed myself to be unworthy of anything better.

I attempted to get help, but to no avail as programs were very limited at that time and spousal rape was not considered a crime. I felt trapped and hopeless. I wanted the pain to end and considered suicide, but the thought of my husband raising my sons was sickening. I did not want them living the hell I was experiencing and potentially repeating the cycle of abuse.
I finally found a place to receive counseling after moving to another county. This counselor helped me change my life. She helped me regain the self-esteem I had lost, and I finally garnered the courage I needed to get myself out of this horrible situation. Although it was very painful to end my marriage, it was the best and most courageous thing I have ever done in my life. I felt I was breaking my boys' hearts but saving their lives and mine in the process. It was scary at times because my ex-husband was unpredictable, but we persevered and succeeded in making new lives for ourselves.

I am happy to say that I later remarried and that my husband is a wonderful father to my sons. They are now grown men who are doing well and living authentic lives, and they have healthy relationships with women.

There are so many women just like me who need a place to go to get help and heal their lives.

The Violence Against Women Act needs to be reauthorized to continue providing safe places to go, medical and psychological treatment, and justice services for women no matter the circumstance.

More to be done...

I am a survivor of childhood abuse, as well as domestic violence in my first marriage. I left my first husband and was able to turn to a crisis intervention center for support, legal aid, and shelter. My life and my children's life literally depended on the laws - and judge - that helped put the abuser in jail - at least for a short while. We were able to move on with our lives and begin the healing process.

Twenty-eight years of abuse and a pattern of co-dependence took so much away from me. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Counseling and medication help, as does my strong faith. However, every day I have to deal with the way the abuse affected my personality and way of interacting with the world around me.

My children also have struggled, but are doing well now. This is in part to the help we got in getting out of a bad situation. (Plus they are just great kids!)

Because I have overcome so much, I am a stronger person. I am compassionate and empathetic to others. But I would rather not have had to go through what I did to become this way.

The fight against violence against women has accomplished so much, but there is more - much more - to be done. There are still misconceptions and myths about the violence, abusers, victims, and survivors. There are still people who just don't get it. People who commit acts of violence against women and their children. We cannot afford to lose ground now when we should be moving forward.

As long as there is violence, we must do what we can to maintain and improve legislation that helps protect women and children. Even stronger measures need to be taken with more enforcement of the laws already in place.

There are more women in the U.S. than men. It's time we use the strength of our numbers to keep making positive changes!

This social "safety net" really saves lives

I doubt that I or my children would be alive today, without the help of our local women's shelter, the Victim Witness program, and close friends.

25 years ago, with 5 young children, I did not want to believe that he was acting like this, and I was "caught in the headlights" of my own denial and despair. Children's Protective Services (CPS) warned me that I would lose my children if my husband directed another outburst at them, or if they were injured by his outbursts at me. When he threatened again to kill us, only 3 hours later after meeting with CPS, we fled. He appeared at our friends' homes with dire threats, and also threatened distant relatives. My friends could not take us in because of the danger, and thus moved us into a local battered woman's shelter, and took me to magistrate's court for a restraining order. The counselors at the shelter provided more than a safe place to stay and food to eat, they provided emotional support when my world ended, and a clear path guiding my next steps. The judge that granted ny protective order also told me it was not safe to return home. An advocate from the Victim Witness program attended hearings with me, and helped me relocate 2000 miles away, where we began a new life "in hiding" for the next 2 years. These advocates were not only patient with my tears and denial, they also were emphatically firm and clear about the need to move on and how to do so, one samll step at a time.

My cherished, revered husband struggled with inner demons, psychiatric problems compounded by substance abuse and job-related stress. He was a tremendous father and husband in many ways, but we could no longer safely live with him. And I could not imagine life without him. Not only did the safety net make our successful escape possible, but the social welfare system also made our new life *necessary*, because I must admit that I would never had left him, nor figured out how to begin again, without the firm direction and clear support of the women's shelter, victim's right advocates, judges, and even the CPS caseworkers involved.

We lost our home, my job, everything when we left. Yet 3 months later, I had a job that paid as well as his had, a new home all of my own, and my children were alive and could speak without stuttering. 25 years later, my children are grown up into great people, I own a home worth 4 times as much as the one I left, I earn 3 times as he had when we left, while he remains frequently homeless and dependent on "disability" payments due to the psychiatric and addiction problems that destoyed his relationship with us. Leaving him was clearly the right choice for my children's sake. I know how hard it is, and I know that women like myself, although we may seem smart and strong on the surface, may not ever leave an abusive partner without the system's support and guidance. This social safety net works, and it saves lives!

Domestic violence destroys more then just the women its married to

My aunt married a man that was violent, and she left him the last day of my 8th grade year. That's when the threats started pouring in from my aunt's ex-husband. I remember when I was 12 picking up the phone a week befor christmas and hearing "I'm going to kill your family". It's not easy to grow up with threats, but we learned to get used to it and we stopped taking it seriously until April 23rd, 2004.

On April 23rd I lost my mother and a cousin I was fairly close to. My aunt's ex-husband shot and killed his 13 year old daughter, and my cousin, and set fire to my grandparents house. He then drove to my house and shot and killed my mother. I was 15 years old.