How Domestic Violence Affects Children

I have 2 adult friends who actually saw and stopped their fathers from murdering their mothers when they were very young. One of them still has nightmares about this. Many people don't understand why women don't simply leave abusive relationships but I have heard it is often because when they try to, it just gets worse.

If 4 women a day die from domestic violence in the US, this is 1460 a year (more deaths per year than US servicemen and women fighting in Iraq!) is it so much to ask that just a small amount of those billions and billions of US dollars being spent to fight for freedom in a foreign country be spent to protect victims in our own country?

Slap on the wrist

911 should have been on speed dail in my house. In the 80's my mom would press charges then drop them because my dad would say he was sorry. In the 90's the state pressed the charges making it impossible for my mother to drop them. My dad was arrested several times in two different states for domestic abuse, even with his record he still gets a slap on the wrist. It wasn't until my dad used a re-bar on my brother's head that my parents divorced. They were together for 35 years. The mental and physical abuse destoryed my mothers self-esteem. He made her believe that she couldn't make it on her own. The longer someone is abused the more dependent they become.

My Story

I'm very familiar with domestic violence as my first husband assaulted me when I was 18 yrs old. After many beatings, I finally reached out to my parents and they brought me back to California along with my young daughter. I can remember the violent pain in my face - the shame. Some 30 yrs later, I still flinch when a hand is raised in front of me. I suffer from PTS. I was one of the lucky ones who got away. Several months later after leaving my husband, he ended up in Huntsville State Prison for aggravated robbery. He did his time, got out and just recently was sent back to prison in Arkansas for 18 yrs. Another aggravated robbery charge using a weapon. There is no doubt in my mind that I would have ended up dead had I not left him when I did. He will be in his 70's when he is released from prison on this second charge. I had no idea when I married him that he had a violent streak in him. I had no idea he was controlling. I was 17 when I married. It's never too late to get away from these individuals. You have to be strong and just do it.

Survivors

I am not a statistic, and I am not a victim. I am a survivor. When I was twelve, two boys at my church sexually harrassed me continually for six months. Eight years later, a drunk man attacked me when I was walking alone back to campus in the broad daylight. There were cars going by as he licked my body and bit my breast, but none of them stopped, and in the end I was the one who saved myself by summoning the strength and courage to pull away from him and run to the nearest dorm where I would be safe.

The other young women in my life helped me rebuild myself, and my friends made it clear that I was still me, someone they loved. I was not defeated. I had made it.

I am a survivor. I have nightmares. I panic when alone and in the dark, and for no reason at all. But I will get over it, and keep on going, because I am strong. This can happen to anyone, and it is up to us to end the terror. We can do it. Everyone can be a survivor.

In Hawaii Abuse is Epidemic

My name is Master Kiffmann. I own and operate Kiffmann Taekwondo, Inc. on Maui. Domestic violence has become an epidemic in Hawaii. Last month a women was beaten to death in front of a hotel on the island of Molokai while passersby did nothing. An Oahu boy remains missing after years of abuse, and big island child was found so badly abused that maggots were eating one of her arms. Does this disgust you? It should, as daily I am disgusted how nothing is done to protect the women and children from these perpetrators. Abusers are criminals and should be treated as such

For 10 years, I have been training students how to defend themselves. A staggering 90% of my female students have been either physically or sexually assaulted. Most of the perpetrators are free and living the good life, while these victims remain imprisoned with fears of future abuse. Most of the woman still in abusive relationships end up back in them....main reason is they have nowhere to go, and no money.

Psalm 18:43

I had a boyfriend who loved a picture of me since it looked beautiful. He would get violent and shoot a gun at my feet, and laugh. One time, I took that picture and ripped it. He got so angry, he threw me on the ground and tossed my head against the machineary. I pretty much blacked out and remember him waking me up because the police were coming. I had a broke and bleeding finger-nail, a huge lump on my head, and my bra was ripped to shreds. I remember when the police got there, I still felt helpless. I couldn't press charges. I was surrounded by cops and I felt terrofied of him. I finally got away from him when a complete stranger spoke words that finally sank into my heart. He said, "You don't deserve that, unless you go back to him." It wasn't so much the words as it was how they came to me. Thank you kind Stranger.

Raped while living with a Co-worker

I was working with a live entertainment company, a very well know one. The housing they provided was a shared hotel room with a co-worker. One night my roommate came in drunk and raped me. He had recently found out he had an 18 year old daughter and decided to take his anger of women out on me. I was left beaten and bloody from a man twice my age and with no reason of what I had done except that I happened to have had a vagina.